honesty.

honesty.

I pretty long discussion with one of my co-workers on Tuesday. While I'm not one to talk about personal things (and she's very inquisitive and personal), we somehow managed to discuss quite a bit. From complications with my parents, career worries, to graduation, we covered quite a few bases of these past 4 years. Depression was a main topic as well, and we discussed my worries, pride, support, and etc. in taking medicine.

It's actually pretty funny, too, when I think about it. I think a main reason why I had put off taking medicine for so long was mainly due to pride. It was difficult for me to come to the understanding that as much as I had de-stressed, sought alternate means, or thought things out, some things you cannot quite control. It's quite an odd situation actually, when you've rationalized extensively, and realized how irrational the mood swings, thoughts, and mumbo jumbo are. But it's still frightening. I was so worried about how the medicine would change me. I suppose it's a bit silly, but I wondered how much of myself I would keep. Of course there was also the ridiculous lack of support from the parents, but that's another story... It also was such a degrading feeling that I wasn't quite as self-reliant and resilient as I thought I was and needed help to move forward.

Thankfully, not much of me has changed, personality-wise that is. I mean, I still feel crappy when crappy things happen, and happy, too, so I'd like to put down any person's belief that antidepressants just leave you as a wonderful ball of happiness, period (although that might be kind of nice). But, it's also relieving to feel that irrational weight off of your shoulders.

Anyways, I was awfully reluctant to discuss such matters with her (as you can imagine). Although I've blogged a bit about it, I still get a bit antsy when talking about it. Maybe it's shame. But I also knew that she wants to eventually get her PhD in clinical psychology and focus on alternative treatment for depression, so I figured she'd get a little more insight, and I knew it was something she'd listen to.

She then asked me quite bluntly, "Are you happy with your life?"

I didn't miss a beat. "Yes."


<3

(I guess it's not much of a post, but more of another example of how I just seem to keep on blabbing about personal things this week. So... if you seem to want terribly honest opinions, want a heart-to-heart discussion, or have awfully personal questions to ask, you might as well do so now, before this passes...)