here i stand.

here i stand.

So being a psych major who's been around the medical field for my whole life (be it because of my parents, friends, family, or my stint as a bio major), I'm highly for preventative measures prior to prescriptions. Of course, there are the exceptions, like people who require pain medications, allergy medications/treatments, and etc., but I feel like we are being over-medicated. Yes, a child with ADHD can be a terrible handful, but I highly encourage behavioral therapy, then if necessary, behavioral therapy and medication, as I think it would benefit the child more in the long run. And I understand it's much cheaper and easier to have the child focus on taking medication, but in my opinion, such measures would only result in short-term relief.

So, believe it or not, I'm actually a reluctant pill popper (of course, with the exception of my knee). Maybe it's pride, maybe it's health, who knows. But today I've decided to suck it up. Fatigue, emotional instability, hypersomnia, anxiety, attention deficiency, etc., etc., it's been quite an awful, and long ride, and it's unfair to those around me, as well as myself. So, I'm back to square 1 again. All I can say is, hoorah for norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitors! Well, not really hoorah, but sometimes you do what you've got to do, and I know I've done as much as possible.

So, the cat's out of the bag, I'm taking Budeprion again.

And it's scary, too, because I don't want people to judge me. I don't want that stereotypical image you associate it with to bog you down. Because in all reality, could you tell? I can honestly say my personality hasn't changed. I took it for a few months in the past, and here I am again. Nothing will change except for the imbalance.

To be honest, it scares me a little think that I can't control my own stability, but I suppose like many illnesses, it's not necessarily what you can do for yourself, but how you can help yourself. All I can ask for is support. The first time around, my parents were fully unsupportive of my prescription. After all my bloodwork and etc. (the doctor previously thought I might have a thyroid problem based on my symptoms), my parents refused to believe it was necessary. And I understand. I mean, it's difficult to hear that your child has a problem, ya know? But as I started taking the medication, it was despairing to hear my parents calling daily, sometimes saying that I apparently can't take care of myself and etc. I understand they were concerned with my well-being, but it was hurtful. For parents in the medical field, I wish they could understand how I felt. I am so grateful that Eric was (and still is) so supportive, and I apologize for continually breaking down before you.

For clarification, I'd like to believe I'm a well rounded person. I have a fairly good outlook on life, have great friends, a caring boyfriend and family, and I think things are panning out fairly well for me. Of course I get stressed and have been terribly busy as of late, but I know I can get through that. And just thinking about that makes me frustrated, because many times, I realize I have no concrete reason to feel so awful. As my doctor put it, it could very well be caused by a chemical imbalance, and not necessarily external factors. I suppose there's no simple answer.

So, now that that's out, remember how so-and-so asked at work what medication I was taking and I said it was for my thyroid? Well. . . it was a lie. ;)