nervousness.

nervousness.

So last night I went to a presentation at UTD which featured the game we worked on last semester, as well as the soundscape for a film that my class worked on last summer. The soundscape was presented in the gallery, but the game itself was presented on stage with live speakers and a demo video.

And even though I wasn't on stage presenting, I was terribly nervous. I was worried about how the audience would receive our game, and I was also antsy about my music being played.

Listening back at some of the music I created for that class, I realize how I could improve, be it technically or composition-wise, and as it played weakly on the auditorium speakers, I wondered if they could hear my faults. I was also a bit disappointed about incorrect loops being played as well as an important song that wasn't implemented. . .

Anyways, the game received many favorable chuckles, and I was impressed by the confidence my team members exuded as they described aspects of the game and answered questions. Later, my professor mentioned that had she known I present she would have had me on stage as well. I told her I was glad she hadn't seen me.

I tend to get really nervous and self-conscious when putting out my work for others to see. Be it during the process or the final product, I have a hard time. I can't really help it, I think, and even when I used to play piano, I had difficulties performing for others (or even practicing). And although I take criticism fairly well, I'm always afraid of what people will think of my work. And this is a funny concept. A professor this semester pointed out that composers are odd creatures, as they wear their ego, pride, and effort on their sleeves, ready to be torn down at any moment when they present their work. Psychologically, one's personality needs to have enough confidence to rebuild, accept, listen, and be equipped with a strong sense of character. Maybe that's why many composers seem almost pompous; I say it's a defense mechanism.


Today I played some of the sound effects I created for my CGEC team this year. Needless to say, I was nervous.